Tuesday, December 1, 2009

我错了，我知道为什么我不够努力读书了，因为我爱钱爱得还不够，远远不够，我会改，我会变得更爱它.

FairyTales are beautiful lies ; {12:21 PM}
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Saturday, November 28, 2009

Good luck to me for the LPI test tomorrow! Gambatte!

FairyTales are beautiful lies ; {1:08 PM}
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Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Eventually, I have gotten my OB presentation done. Frankly speaking, I was totally babbling my last few lines of my script since I was so confused that time. I don’t really know what I am exactly talking about. But never mind, it’s done and I got it through without referring to script. That’s really awesome. I was so unlucky these few daysL. I almost lost my debit card as well as heard something which I already knew, but consciously ignored. What’s wrong with me? I abhor those divinity, my life is already so screwed, please don’t make it worse. Final exams are coming, so is LPI.

I was once imaging myself living in a rich family and it’s almost there few years ago, really so close if everything went right. But something incorrigible happened and he’s never going to revert to the way he was originally, or maybe it’s just his innate self. I hate him not because of the fact that I was affected, but he hurt the one I loved so deeply.

I can’t do anything without money. I knew the importance of it more than anyone does. Money isn’t everything and it’s true that you can get something without it, but I want everything. I want everything within my control, my manipulation and my expectation. I hate to live a life controlled by or dependent on others. I keep on reminding myself not to trust anyone but myself. However, it’s really hard and I realize that I am willing to be cheated sometimes.

I am so sensitive to every single word said by others as well as their expressions, behaviours and even their thoughts and intentions. I wanted to be carefree but it’s so hard. This is innate and inherited, and something you can’t change for life.

I have given up a lot of things in my life including my passion, or even my dream. Having involved in a relationship is something that’s sometime so close yet so far for me. It’s just something extravagant.

I want to achieve financial freedom first before any other things.

FairyTales are beautiful lies ; {3:27 PM}
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Saturday, November 14, 2009

无聊...随便煮了点...一个人吃饭还是要有点情调的~~~

FairyTales are beautiful lies ; {7:24 AM}
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Thursday, November 12, 2009

<<把我的世界给你>>

在一次意外中,一女孩双眼的视网膜被玻璃碎片割裂了,而更难过的却是自己最挚爱的父母也同时逝世了,自己再也没有致亲的人可以依靠了…

隔天在医院中醒来, 女孩心情异常沮丧, 似乎活着再也没有意思了,自己的眼睛看不见,需要视网膜捐赠移植,也不知道要等到什么时候. 虽然自己还有亲戚,帮自己办理了住院手续,但是毕竟亲戚跟亲人比起来还是有差距. 女孩此时心中有的仅仅是绝望. 虽然醒了,却还是静静地躺着, 希望这一切只是噩梦…..

“你还好吧?” 此时一个听似十五六岁男孩的声音打破了沉静, 只是, 女孩哪里还有心思跟他这个陌生打招呼. 而男孩之后也沉寂了,好像知道什么似的.

在医院的期间,女孩的表姨虽然来看过她几次,但是也就几次,这几次实在无法补贴女孩心理的悲伤以及空虚. 而同病房的男孩却如往常般,天天开朗的对女孩打招呼,诉说自己的一些开心的往事事,告诉女孩当时窗外的情景…虽然只是普通的下雨天或晴天,可是男孩总是可以让自己的心情变好, 而他也总能把世间上每一样平常不起眼的事物描述的那么精彩,仿佛带自己走入一个奇幻美丽的新世界…

渐渐的,女孩得知这男孩原来患了白血病, 需等待骨髓捐赠,而他也跟自己一样,失去了双亲,或许是同病相怜的缘故,也或许….但不管怎样,女孩已经接纳了他, 成为了女孩生活中的一部份.

过了一个多月后,一个振奋人心的消息传来,原来有匿名热心人士捐赠了眼角膜, 而此时,女孩她自己心顿时有了希望, 似乎自己终于可以走出这个黑暗的世界, 可以依靠自己奋斗努力生活下去,同时,也可以看到那个可怜,却依旧每天为自己打气加油的男孩. 总之女孩的心无法静下来…..而当她把这消息告诉那男孩是,那男孩只是淡淡地祝福了她,希望手术成功,此时女孩似乎想到了男孩还在等待别人的骨髓捐赠, 所以抑制住自己的兴奋, 回了声简单得谢谢.

一星期之后,女孩进行了眼角膜移植手术, 手术也非常成功, 在等待复原的期间,女孩被转入了其它病房.

又过了两个星期,也就是女孩最激动人心的时刻, 眼睛康复的很顺利,当揭开绷带的时候,眼前的光线虽然很刺眼,但是自己却很享受这种刺激, 因为她看到的不是光,而是光明和希望. 激动的她在眼睛适应了后,匆忙来到了自己以往的病房,发现男孩醒着,可他的双目却是失明的,因为他的眼神没有焦距, 也没法看到自己所在的位置….女孩沉静了….

“对不起,其实我双目几年前已经失明了,我之前并不是有意的要骗你,我只是希望你能快乐,才会…才会编….”男孩似乎说不下去了.

女孩此时心理异常激动,因为自己唯一信任的新知己居然骗了她.以为找到了依靠,却硬生生地背叛了她,使她此刻激昂的心情已经无法克制,就此冲出了.而在此之前,她留下了一句很伤人的话, “为什么我最信任的人会骗我, 我讨厌你, 我恨你!”

男孩什么都没说,只是静静的,似乎心有所思,但是脸上的悲伤却在女孩离开后才显露出来.

就这样,过了一周, 女孩在回医院领药的时候得知那个男孩似乎也等到了骨髓捐赠,而现在正准备要进行这高风险的手术, 可是自己却似乎还在犹豫要不要去祝福他手术成功, 那时自己说的话好像过火了, 在冷静后才发觉其实那男孩只是希望自己快乐开心,只是善意的欺瞒着自己.但是话已经说绝了,自己还是有点不好意思.

就在这时, 一对护士走来, “那男孩真可怜,一个月前做了眼角膜捐赠,而现在又要进行骨髓移植….”

女孩此刻在也无法平静, 因为她联想到了一件令她无法接受的事. 在回过神来后,女孩立即看着医院指示牌往手术部狂奔, 她想亲自证实一件事,不然她这辈子都不会安心. 可是她到的时候却只看到了刚刚关闭的手术室门. 她知道自己可能作了一件永远无法原谅自己的事….而她此时能做的却也只是静静的受在门口, 心里的不安已经把她压得喘不过气来, 她无法面对愚昧,甚至是卑鄙的自己.

5个小时后,手术室的灯熄了,医生走了出来, “哎,真的很可惜啊,那男孩好像已经放弃了生存下去意志….”

女孩听到后愣在了那里……


Credits to CJ, Dharma, Han

Feel free to forward.

FairyTales are beautiful lies ; {1:37 PM}
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Today is the day for singles. Following the tradition of my friends, most of the singles were actually writing and posting something on their mind for this meaningless yet ironic day. I wasn’t really aware that I have actually lived through my current life without being acquainted with the existence of this special day for more than 20 years. This indeed seems piteous ever since the inception of my life.

I wasn’t a felicitous and fluent writer in expressing myself with affectional and emotional subjects, but it doesn’t gainsay the fact that I wasn’t an emotional being at all. I did experience many memorable things in the past 2 decades. Sadly but true, my life was once filled with relationship and domestic felicity too.

Whenever I encounter couples in my social circle nowadays, it is indeed an evocation of my high school life. I wasn’t too sure if I was serious that time, but it undeniably left a non-erasable imprint in me. Something that’s really tough to expunge from my memory.

I was given a few choices in the past few years, but I didn’t grab firmly to any, I thought I will always come across someone better, but what time has proven to me are the sheer cruelty, loneliness, as well as the ridicule from my friends and myself. Something that has gone past you will be gone forever. Do not fatuously supplicate God for a second chance since we can never revert to the good old days. Even with the invention of time machine, this will still remain as a clear uncertainty.

So, I will not implore for a second chance in anything I did, even though, I do fancy about that sometimes. What I can do for now is merely to strive to surmount all the weaknesses within and the challenges ahead. I was indeed perplexed sometime on whether or not to spend time on recollection. Rationally, I tell myself that I should devote all my time in the future rather than on something which we can’t alter or expunge, but emotionally， it’s hard to follow….

FairyTales are beautiful lies ; {9:49 AM}
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Thursday, November 5, 2009

I was totally speechless when I saw the way my lab partners did the experiment. For some simple procedures, they can make it complex. This again leads to the questioning of the local education system. Is there something really wrong with the high school education in Canada? Why are some people having such weak foundations in sciences? To my astonishment, I realized some of them were actually performing the experiment with basically all the possible human errors and experimental mistakes I can think of. WTF is wrong with them?? But anyway, I am already indifferent to what they have been doing all this while.

If the Hwachongians are given such an experimental design, they will come up with a much more detailed experimental proposal with explanation of all possible errors as well as the corresponding methods to overcome. As what I have previously stated, the education here is way too horrendous. The transition from high school to university is way too drastic for most of the indigenous students.

Eventually, it’s already the last philosophy quiz to go tomorrow, meaning I will have done 60% of the course marks after that. Hopefully, I won’t flunk it since it’s the only course that I am having an average grade of A+. It will make my life much easier if everything goes fine tomorrow.

God bless me.

FairyTales are beautiful lies ; {1:10 PM}
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Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I thought I am use to living alone. But I realize it wasn’t really the way I thought I was. There are many things I keep within myself, not meant to be disclosed to anybody. Something even I myself don’t know…..

Since secondary two, I was living alone in school’s dorm. Until now, I was still alone. I have made new friends as time marches, however I have also wandered away from my old friends.

Seems like the university life is just like A levels, maybe I am expecting too much from it. Something is missing, which makes me feel empty. Something intangible, abstract and impalpable is missing…..

FairyTales are beautiful lies ; {5:08 PM}
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Ok, I am still on with the “an essay a day, keep the grammatical mistakes away”. Undeniably, writing purposely in proper English is way too exhausting.

I was extremely demoralized and perturbed by the Canadian marking styles. I was given zero for a 10 marks question for which I answered quite a number of relevant points. I seriously doubt the professional ethos of those markers. Sometimes I saw a big tick across my answer but the marks given was only 6/10. So, when you first see the paper, you do not really know what is exactly wrong with your answer and it makes even harder for you to clarify with those instructors. Although they revised the weight of this mid-term test, I don’t think it will make a big difference to our final grades if they stick to the way they mark.

Apart from the irritancy experienced this morning, nothing special has really happened. Philosophy is again a tough subject to understand, but the endeavor you make is definitely proportionate to the outcome you will get.

After reading so many pages of philosophy textbook, I have reached a conclusion that logicians are those who like to make simple things into intricate logic to excruciate and afflict young innocent beings like me.

Here’s an interesting part of logic: THE PARADOX OF THE LIAR
Consider the following proposition:
“I am lying.”
So here comes the question, is this proposition true (Am I lying or am I not)??? You will definitely end up cursing it for wasting your time cogitating this shit since it is both true and false, something that is clearly impossible.

Philosophy is never writing intensive, it resembles more of Math. For those who don’t wish to write superfluous tripe during tests, philosophy 120 is definitely an apposite course for you.

By the way, for those reading my journals, please feel free to point out my grammatical mistakes/expression errors.

Anyone adept in English?

FML

FairyTales are beautiful lies ; {1:38 PM}
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Tuesday, November 3, 2009

After receiving the LPI scores, I felt rather disappointed with the score, but undeniably, it was indeed a tough essay test when all the three topics are not so common. First topic is regarding the older dating the younger while the second topic is about if plastic surgery is an acceptable present given to the teenagers by their parents. Well, I chose the third question which is about the pace of life and how do we resolve and counteract the adverse consequences and impact resulted from a fast-paced lifestyle. I chose it not because of that I have substantive stances but rather it is the case that I have totally no idea about the previous two topics. Can’t they use some prevalent and common subject matters???

I have indeed used several grandiloquent vocabularies and rather complex sentence structures, but it doesn’t seem to be appreciated or rewarded by the LPI markers. I only get to realize the fact after reading the online discussion forum that LPI essay section is for you to write a grammatically errorless essay without showing off how proficient your English is. Bombastic vocabulary contributes to nothing and one can ascribed the success in LPI essay wholly to the use of simple but error-free sentences. The biggest irretrievable mistake I have ever made in this test is due to my UK style of writing. I wrote a descriptive argumentative essay which is totally forbidden for LPI. What they required is an essay with personal experiences and personal perspectives. So I have to use phrases such as “I think that… etc”. It seems pretty ironic to me when I saw the online model essay appears to be quite a simply organized piece of writing without using any “hoity-toity” language. I am indeed perplexed.

I am done with my reflection.
PS: Proper English sucks….

FairyTales are beautiful lies ; {7:34 AM}
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